Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Fences by August Wilson Information


Fences by August Wilson
  • When/Where does the play take place?
The play is set in the 1957 and later in 1965.  The place the play is set in is the dirt-yard and porch of the Maxson family's house in Pittsburgh, PA.

  • What was going on in the US at this time point regarding politics, economics, sports, entertainment and technology? 
1957
In the 1950s the cold war had ended. Many people were not well off economically and lived very frugally. There was severe racism, severe sexism,  and fear of nuclear attack. Women had to enter the job market for families to send children to college. Inflation was a major issue in the 1950s. Consumer prices increased and there was slow economic growth. Television was relatively new in the USA in the 1950s. n economics, the federal spending was $76.58 billion and the federal debt was $272.3 billion. 
In sports, The Milwaukee Braves beat the NY Yankees 4 to 3 in the World Series. Boston won against the St. Louis Hawks (4-1) in the NBA Championship. Leonard Bernstein's "West Side Story" debuts on the Broadway and brings violence to the stage.  In Science, a temporary artificial heart was invented by Williem Kolff. In the late 1950s, the "Little Rock Nine" integrated Arkansas high school.

1965

In 1965, Rev, Dr, Martin Luther King, Jr., and more than 2,600 others were arrested in Selma, Ala., during demonstrations against voter-registration rules (Feb. 1). Malcolm X, black-nationalist leader, was shot to death at Harlem rally (Feb 21.) The U.S. Marines land in Dominican Republic as fighting persists between rebels and Dominican army (April 28.). Medicare, senior citizens' government medical assistance program, begins (July 1). Blacks Riot for six days in Watts section of LA; 34 dead,, over 1,000 injured, nearly 4,000 arrested, fire damage put at $175 million (Aug. 11-16). Power failure in Ontario plant blacks out parts of eight states of northeast U.S. and two provinces of southeast Canada (Nov. 9). In terms of economics  the federal spending was $118.23 billion and the federal debt was $322.3 billion. The unemployment rate was 5.2%. In sports, The LA Dodgers won the world series against Minnesota. In entertainment, Bill Cosby starred in 'I Spy' and became the first African American to headline a television show.



Citation:

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Race and Racism


Having a darker skin tone has been conditioned in our head as bad since birth. Most people always wish to change themselves, to be another person, because of the way they look. Usually, "colored" people with "unmanageable" hair wish they had light skin and straight "easy to manage" hair. Society has conditioned children to believe that who they are, who they were born as is something they should be ashamed of, something they need to change. Having "white" skin and straight hair is seen as the guidelines to society. "White" skin and easily manageable, straight brown or blonde hair was conditioned as the norm. Since we were children, the "black" character was deemed as the bad guy and the "white" character was deemed as a hero.

Barbie dolls conditioned into the minds of kids that being white, having fair and light skin is seen as better. Also, having straight blonde or brown hair was the best thing and anything else would be frowned upon. These subtle techniques of brainwashing trained who didn't have light skin and fair hair to believe they were scum. It modified the way a child looked at themselves in the mirror. It made them want to be just like the "white". Society has influenced children to abandon their heritage. Everyone wants to know where they came from, who they are and why they are here. Heritage having been wiped out, causes people to only be a label  Humans are labeled with names such as Dominican, American, African like cows labeled to be shipped out.

Women feel racism in a different way compared to men. Women feel more pressure to fit in with their hair, skin, etc. Men are not subjected as much to discrimination as woman are. Men are usually seen as "sex hounds" and rapist. They are seen as people who only think about sexual intercourse and want to have sexual intercourse 24 hours 7 days a week. In terms of racism, "white" men are seen as successful, "black" men are seen as dirty robbers and scum, and so on and so forth. In the terrible philosophy of this world, the darker your skin the least chance you have of success and the more you will come to subject yourself to wishing you were "white" or lighter.

Woman are told that they are weak, that they cannot do something unless tested vigorously. Woman usually feel that they should look a certain way to be beautiful. From barbie dolls to examples in magazines, woman are subjected to more social and peer pressure about how they look, where they are from and who they are. Some women feel  A survey has been conducted defining that woman are more subjected to feel a type of discrimination than men. Don't discriminate, just be yourself.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

JFK's Inaugural Address

Open Ended Question

Throughout his Inaugural Address John F. Kennedy discussed the role of science in shaping our world. The negative impact Kennedy believe science has had on the world was the death of many by the use of science. In Kennedy's opinion, Science is power but with power comes corruption and ultimately destruction. Kennedy believes that science will 'engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self-destruction'. Kennedy believes science can positively affect the future by letting 'both sides seek to invoke the wonders of science instead of its terrors'. This means he wants humans to use their technological advances to help humanity rather than destroy it. Although many weapons of mass murder are created worldwide, Kennedy's dream still lives on; there are people throughout the world who advance towards an improvised and positively technologically advance world.



Kennedy believes the nations of of the world can make a difference by encouraging
every nation help each other in their time of need. In his Inaugural Address, Kennedy states "If a free society cannot help the many who are poor, it cannot save the few who are rich." This means human society should help each other in their time of great need. Kennedy also encourages the nations of the world to strive for peace rather than 'the dark power of destruction'. This means that Kennedy wishes for everyone in the world to get along, no war or disputes. In the world of today, war is an everyday occurrence  a wise man once said, "the world runs on war, our country always needs to be at war to please the companies within it." Kennedy's wish does live on in the hearts of many though, there are people who strive for peace such as Martin Luther King Jr.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

St. Patrick the Missionary



Patrick's first encounter with Ireland was at the age of sixteen where he was sent to Ireland and sold into slavery. While he worked in Ireland as a shepherd, he developed a deep faith in god and claims that as he sleep one night, he had a vision of how to escape. After Patrick's escape from about six years of slavery, he went back to Britain, and then to Gaul where he studied under St. Germain for twelve years before returning
again to Britain. In Britain he felt a calling to return to return as a missionary to Ireland; he stayed there for another 30 years converting, baptizing, and setting up monasteries.By the end of the 7th century, Patrick
had become a legendary figure, and the legends have continued to grow since then. There are many legends regarding St. Patrick; the legends state that he used the three-leafed shamrock to explain the concept of Trinity (he refers to it as the combination of  the father, son and the holy spirit). Another legend states that he put the curse of God on venomous snakes in Ireland and drove all the snakes into the sea where they drowned. St. Patrick died on March 17, AD 461 and the day has been commemorated as St. Patrick's Day ever since.


Source:
http://www.theholidayspot.com/patrick/historyofpatrick.htm

Monday, March 4, 2013

Think Different again




The human race are a judgmental bunch. "People generally react to those who are willing to step outside the box of comfortability and normalcy and behave in a way that is considered unconventional or unacceptable". In other words, people usually judge the freethinkers as 'Crazy', people who go against the flow, they are deemed mad, insane, and demented lunatics. Don Haskins was a freethinker, a man who took risk and stepped away from the flow. It was very important for Don Haskins to think different. Don Haskins coached the Texas Western basketball team and recruited three African American players into the team; he put them on the field and showed the world that color does not determine who is good at what. In the movie 'Glory Road', the story of Don Haskins and the Texas Western basketball coach is depicted, the way they impacted society was shown. 

Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Slide of Determination

The Slide of Determination

Snow had fallen from the sky the night before leaving the world in a crystal white blanket. Everything had a white fluffy snow over it. Streets were covered and needed to be cleaned. Front and backyards waited for children to run, play, make snowmen and snow angels  and throw snowballs. It was inviting, like a warm blanket and outside was where I was headed. My mother dressed us with many layers of clothing, three pairs of pants, two thick socks, two tank tops, a long shirt, a t-shirt, two thick sweaters, a large jacket, a scarf, two pairs of gloves, and cozy indoor boots. My siblings were dressed similarly and ready to play in the snow. My mother quickly dressed herself in layers and grabbed the house keys and camera. We were headed to the local elementary playground park. My siblings, my mother and I walked down the block carefully  snow blanketed the ground and twigs and rocks hidden underneath it.

"The snow looks so awesome!" My sister exclaimed.
"I want to eat it," my brother reached down and grabbed a handful of snow. He pushed the scarf down and licked the cold crystal snow.
"Ew!" I exclaimed startling my brother, "You never know a dog could have done pee on it."
"Do you see any footprints on the snow?" My sister smugly questioned.
"Yes," I replied pointing to the small footprints on the ground. Automatically my brother spat out the now melted snow and dropped the mush he had on his hands.
"Let's keep going to the park," my mother sighed.
----------------
At the Park
----------------
Untouched snow covered the entire area, the schoolyard park was untouched and ready to be played with. The slides were covered completely and seemed dangerously slippery. Across the field was a flock of geese. They all huddled together and squawked occasionally.
"I call the middle slide!" my brother exclaimed running towards the larger playground.
My sister automatically ran after him. "Wait up dude!" she shouted gleefully. I ran after them jumping slightly so I wouldn't fall in the deep snow.
In a matter of minutes we had climbed the playground to the slides and each slid down.
"I bet I can make it to the top," my brother boasted.
"In your dreams," I scoffed crossing my arms.
"Yes I can!" My brother protested, "If i make it to the top you owe me candy!"
"And if you don't and I make it to the top? What will I get?"
"Then he will owe you candy," My sister intervened.
"I'm going first my brother exclaimed. He ran to the middle slide and placed his booted feet on top the end of the slide. My brother gripped the slide and pulled his body forward. His hand slipped and he slipped onto the ground.
"You lose!" My sister shouted.
"My turn," I shoved my brother out of the way and gripped the middle slide. I placed one foot on the end and moved it around to test the slipperiness of the slide.
"Very slippery, " I muttered. I glared at the top of the slide and envisioned the candy that came with reaching the top. 'I can do this!' I thought, 'Imagine the candy!' 

I grasped the side of the slide tighter and began to climb. One foot after another in an endless struggle to reach the top. 'I can't give up! I mustn't give up!' I thought to myself, 'I'm almost there!' then my feet slipped and I lost my grip on the sides of the slide. Sliding down slightly I cussed under my breath. I quickly gripped onto the side of the slides and climbed faster. I pushed on the edges of the slide with my feet and pushed my body upwards. Step after step I was getting closer to the candy, my goal. With one more step I made it to the top and stood at the top of the playground slide.
"YES!!" I screeched, "I WIN! I WIN, I WIN! TAKE THAT!" I pointed to my brother and cheered loudly. I reached the top, I got the candy.

The end

Thursday, February 14, 2013

St. Valentine's story and Advice from me to you.

Origin of St.Valentine's Day

Valentine's day is named after a kind man  named Valentine who died over a thousand years ago. There are two different versions of the St. Valentine story, the one about the protestant and the one about the Catholic. Both versions agree that Saint Valentine was a bishop who held secret
marriage ceremonies of soldiers in opposition to Claudius II. Claudius II had banned marriage because he felt it made men weak and he did not
want weak men in his army. The ban on marriage greatly shocked the Romans but they did not protest against the almighty emperor. The Kind bishop Valentine realized the injustice and saw the trauma of young
lovers who gave up all hope of marriage. He held secret marriages for young lovers hoping to get married. Before long, Claudius II learned of Bishop Valentine's secret marriage ceremonies and had him arrested. As the story goes, while waiting for his sentence in prison Valentine managed to in some way help Asterius, his jailer, blind daughter. When Claudius II met Valentine, he was impressed by the dignity of the latter.  Valentine refused to agree with the emperor about the ban on marriage and in turn the emperor tried to convert Valentine to the Roman gods. Valentine refused to recognize the Roman gods and attempted to  convert the emperor knowing the consequences that were soon to follow. Emperor Claudius II sentenced Valentine to be executed. Meanwhile, Valentine had formed a deep friendship with Asteriu's daughter. It pained the young girl to hear about her friend's soon to be death. As the story goes, Valentine asked his jailer for a pencil and paper. He wrote a farewell letter to Asteriu's daughter and signed it, "From your Valentine." Valentine is believed to have been executed on February 14, 270 AD. In conclusion, the 14th became a day for all lovers and Valentine became its Patron Saint. Further into history, the day became known as St. Valentine's day, a day where men wrote love letters, called 'Valentine's' to women. A celebration of love.

Sources:
http://www.theholidayspot.com/valentine/history_of_valentine.htm
-------------------------------------------------
In terms of advice for breakups, I suggest that you are truthful. Always tell the truth no matter how bad it is. I suggest the couple compromises and talks out their problems. Around the holiday season, spend a few days with one family and a few days with the other family. At April fool's day do not play any exaggerated pranks that might cause you to breakup. During spring don't do anything idiotic or cheat on your lover. If you truly love and/or have interest never do anything that might make you or your lover uncomfortable.

Monday, February 4, 2013

Days of the week


Personification is giving human characteristics to inanimate objects and things that cannot have human characteristics.



Sunday
She is inane, she makes the simplest of task seem fun and enjoyable. Sunday can can make you do anything without you protesting. She gives you a reason to love life and find meaningless task for every second. Sunday likes to wear a baggy t-shirt and Capri's. Sunday loves to clean enthusiastically   Sunday can be relied on, she can help accomplish task for the week or from the week before. But Sunday can suddenly change plans and trick you. She can make it a bad day depending on her emotions.


Monday
He is sluggish, he doesn't even scrub behind his ears as he showers or bathes. He lives with his mother because he is too lazy to provide for himself. Monday crawls on the floor and never gets the remote if it's two inches away. He doesn't brush his hair and only brushes his teeth for ten seconds before sluggishly taking the bus to work. Monday doesn't drive, its too much work for him. He only takes the bus, takes a nap on the bus and then misses his stop. He makes excuses for every minor task and great favors. At night, Monday is too lazy to even close his eyes himself.


Tuesday
He is does nothing, nothing at all. Tuesday never stands out among the crowd and remains consistent no matter the situation. He never shouts, or single himself out. Tuesday is one of those people who never have anything to say and don't like to draw attention to themselves. Tuesday doesn't get extraordinary or mediocre grades, he gets average grades. Tuesday is your average Joe who doesn't break the rules, he plays it safe and  doesn't try to bring attention to anything he does.


Wednesday
She is an accident maker. Wednesday always trips you and makes you have a terrible time. At a party she embarrasses you and makes you want to go home. Wednesday would push you down the stairs all for the fun of seeing you fallen and hurt. Although, you could count on Wednesday to accomplish any task. Wednesday always strives for perfection and even though she is a merciless bastard.


Thursday
He is a good friend. Thursday can be relied on, he makes the day fun and enjoyable. He always wants you to be accepted and have a great time no matter where you are. He holds the door for you no matter who you are. Thursday can be relied on to accomplish many task. He always enjoys studying every night, Thursday always has time on his hands. He can accomplish a great deal of things before the day is over. At night Thursday likes to set out his clothes for the next day. He is anticipating the next day with glee.


Friday
She loves to dance around in joy. Friday rushes through the first couple hours of the day hoping for the nighttime to come. She loves to dance to unusual music and see movies late at night. Friday always eats takeout for dinner, she has too many plans. Friday always invite her friends over and brings them into crazy situation. Friday prefers watching at least 2 to 3 movies, one after the other. Friday can't be counted on to do anything, she is far too busy to give mind to anything else.


Saturday
He is a party dog, he always has plans or a way to spice up your day. Saturday is a thrill seeker and bad boy. He breaks into peoples wallet and spends their money on beer. Saturday always gets out of control. He is a dog chasing after a bone and the bone is to get into some body's pants. Saturday always drinks until he passes out making it your responsibility ti take him home. Never trust Saturday to do anything useful or remotely helpful, you can't count on him at all. When Saturday does do something, you know he wants something in return.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Dr. Martin Luther King

The things we do and say, the things we have is all because of one brave man! He fought for us, the human race, fought for our rights. In the speech Dr. King gave, the day before his assassination, he said, "...I've been to the mountaintop... And I've seen the promise land. I may not get there with you but I want you to know tonight, that we as people will get to the promised land." King hoped for the world to take the matter into their own hands and change for the better without him. He knew sooner or later he were to die but he hoped for the people to take their rights and fight for them. If Dr. King walked into our school tomorrow, he would not be proud of the way we treat each other as less then human beings who made it to the promise land, the way we handle our education, and how we express ourselves.





Discrimination is always looked down upon by most people. Dr. King fought to free everyone from discrimination. He said, in his famous 'I have a Dream' speech, "I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'" He believed everyone was created equal and no man, child or woman is greater than another man, child or woman. Racism and discrimination is still an issue in our high school. Students reject another getting closer to them be it because of race, nationality, gender, color, etc. For example, At lunchtime everyone sits with their close friends, cliques or people they just happen to know. New kids have a hard time finding somewhere to sit where they won't be discriminated or judged by who they are. Dr. King fought for the world where this is only a nightmare, a sin.

Education is a necessary essential to any day. Dr. King believed, "At this point, I often wonder whether or not education is fulfilling its purpose. A great majority of the so-called educated people do not think logically and scientifically. Even the press, the classroom, the platform, and the pulpit in many instances do not give us objective and unbiased truths." Although there are many in  our school who value their education there are also those who do not care or even try in education. The meager light of redemption they have are wasted and misused, they do not see the point of educating the mind. In our fast paced world, education is a fundamental of every job. You need a high school diploma to get most decent paying jobs. Education educates the mind and teaches a person to think logically. Dr. King wanted for everyone to have a chance at great education, for everyone to have the power to succeed and become what they want to be. Dr. King stated, "Education must also train one for quick, resolute and effective thinking. To think incisively and to think for one’s self is very difficult. We are prone to let our mental life become invaded by legions of half truths, prejudices, and propaganda." Dr. King lived in a home where education is valued. He wanted everyone to value their education to control and enrich their futures.


Moral tell a lot about a person. Dr. King grew up in a loving home, with an older sister, younger brother and two loving parents. He grew up to be one of the most successful men in history, having changed and inspired the world. Dr. King said, "...The most dangerous criminal may be the man gifted with reason, but with no morals." Morals, the rights from wrong, are what lead people to where they are, the situation they are in and what further steps can be taken. In our high school, morals is not high on the list of values for many people. Examples of this include: fights, stealing and threatening their own future. Morals can keep even the ignorant person can stay out of horrible situations with strong morals.

"...I've been to the mountaintop... And I've seen the promise land. I may not get there with you but I want you to know tonight, that we as people will get to the promised land.", Dr. Martin Luther King Jr stated in his final speech, the day before his death. He hoped the world would make a great improvement and we as the human race would have left behind all our differences and become one big circle. If Dr. King were to walk into our school tomorrow, he would not be proud of what he sees. The discrimination, no interest in education and morals would tell Dr. King what we think of his sacrifice and hard work.
------------------
Sources:
http://www.biography.com/people/martin-luther-king-jr-9365086
http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/111013-the-arc-of-the-moral-universe-is-long-but-it
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/answer-sheet/martin-luther-king-jr-on-educa.html
Pictures Were googled

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Simile and Metaphor

Simile
A Simile is a comparison using 'like' or 'as'.
For example, 'You are like a snail'.

Similes are an important part of writing because they help to compare one subject to another using 'like' or 'as'.
Similes help to make a connection from one subject to another using 'like' or 'as'.
For example, 'She was bigger than an Elephant!'
The example compares the female to an elephant in terms of size, most likely weight and height.


My Friend

She is as crazy as a rooster; 
Still I love her like a sister. 
Her hair is black and dark
Like the color of the midnight sky.
Her skin is as pale as flour 

Placing her among the Twilight vampires.

Poetry by Natasha Niemi

--------------------------
Metaphor
A Metaphor is a comparison similar to a simile but it does not use the words 'like' or 'as'.
A metaphor is a comparison that does not use the words 'like' or 'as'.

Like Similes, Metaphors are an important part of writing.
Metaphors compare one subject to another not using the words 'like' or 'as'.
They help to make a connection from one subject to another not using the words 'like' or 'as'.


THIS WINDMILL

This windmill
is a spinning wheel
a massive metal flower
threading breezes
through her petals
whirling hour by hour
dizzydancing
day and night
a turning churning tower
whisking winds
from all directions
spinning air to power.

© Amy LV

Sunday, January 6, 2013

Hyperbole


Hyperbole are comparisons, just like metaphors and similes, but the only difference is that hyperbole are on the exaggerated side of comparisons. For example, 'She was as large as a house.' Hyperbole usually don't show full comprehension of the subject, instead it exaggerates and makes it seem more than it seems.

Hyperbole are essential to writing  they bring about the fun and excitement to a boring story. For example, 'it was a very sunny day' could be better written as 'it was so sunny the sun was burning us with its giant magnify glass'. Hyperbole make the writing process fun, spontaneous and sometimes unpredictable.
-------------------------------

A Poison Tree


I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.
And I watered it in fears,
Night & morning with my tears;
And I sunned it with smiles,
And with soft deceitful wiles.
And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright ;
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine,
And into my garden stole
When the night had veil’d the pole:
In the morning glad I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

Tone: An angry and revengeful tone is set from the beginning of the poem. 
Mood: The Mood is frightening and upsetting
Meaning: The meaning of the poem is about anger and what it leads to. The poet wrote that he let his anger get the best of him and that now his foe is no more.
---------------------------------------------

                                                                 "Through Glass"

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home sitting all alone inside your head

How do you feel? That is the question
But I forget.. you don't expect an easy answer
When something like a soul becomes
Initialized and folded up like paper dolls and little notes
You can't expect a bit of hope
So while you're outside looking in
Describing what you see
Remember what you're staring at is me

Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything

When thought came from the heart
It never did right from the start
Just listen to the noises
(Null and void instead of voices)
Before you tell yourself
It's just a different scene
Remember it's just different from what you've seen

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
And all I know is that it feels like forever
When no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you
And it's the stars
The  stars That lie to you.. yeah-ah

I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
Oh, god it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

'Cause I'm looking at you through the glass...
Don't know how much time has passed
All I know is that it feels like forever
But no one ever tells you that forever
Feels like home, sitting all alone inside your head

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you.. yeah-ah

And it's the stars
The stars
That shine for you.. yeah-ah
And it's the stars
The stars
That lie to you.. yeah-ah yeah

Ohhhoh who the stars
Ohhh oh who the stars that lie

By Stone  Sour
Tone: The Tone is sadness, emptiness. The poet is expressing his loneliness.
Mood: The mood is loneliness and understanding. It makes one feel an inept and hidden meaning to the words.
Meaning: This meaning of this is about a person who has lived his/her life regrettably, and when they finally realize this, they can no longer recognize the person staring back at them in the mirror. Because of his/her actions they are left alone to ponder about the past.



Links:
http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/Classic%20Poems/Blake/a_poison_tree.htm
http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/stonesour/throughglass.html




Thursday, December 13, 2012

Mount. Uxxohi

'He tied off his boat and started to climb the cliffs. He knew that no one lived to tell what was behind the cloud, but he still climbed.' The air was thick with a smell of earth. It smelled fresh, clean and unlike industrialized polluted cities. The sun was high in the sky, it was noon or so it said on the mans watch. The side of the cliff the man held onto was solid, there was no possible way to slip on it. The man carefully took his time climbing onto the ledge. He grasped rock after rock, stone after stone. He pulled himself and his pack onto the top of the first cliff. He looked upwards towards the mountaintop.

"Mount. Uxxohi, that's a long way to go." He commented to nobody in particular, "But I will not stop and I will find you brother." He was a man looking for answers, a man on a quest for a certain truth. The man was none other than Kelton Wendell, a 31-year-old unmarried American citizen. He lived in the Northern side of the United States in the state of North Dakota. Kelton had friendly, inviting green eyes. he had wavy sandy blond hair. His skin was tanned and reddened due to the immense sunburn he had received on the way to Mount. Uxxohi.

Mountain Uxxohi, otherwise known as the 'death beyond clouds', was a small remote island just off the coast of Hawaii. It was believed to be curse because nobody ever returned from beyond the ring of clouds to tell the tale. No aircraft or human ever saw the mountaintop. Some claimed it was cursed, others claimed it was the resting place of the gods. According to local legends, Supposedly the Greek god of death and his sisters resided beyond the clouds but that was just a myth.

Kelton's older brother, Simon Wendell, had been a great believer of myths and fantasy's. He searched the glove for clues to the answers of the greatest mystery's. Simon had similar features to Kelton but his head was angular and he was 35-years-old. Although he was older, Simon acted like a child. Kelton acted mature for his age since they were children. A few months ago, Simon decided to solve the myth of Uxxohi Mountain. The months had gone by like Ice Cream melting on a hot summer day but Simon had yet to return. Kelton didn't let himself think the worse, he packed up his gear and headed to Mount. Uxxohi to save his precious older brother.

Kelton spent the day climbing over cliffs to the main part of the mountain. By the time he reached the base of Uxxohi, he was exhausted and nightfall was coming. Kelton surveyed the area for a good campground. The area around him was mainly tall trees he couldn't identify on a slope. He decided to tie his sleeping bag to a tree and sleep up there to be safe. Kelton took out his knife, sleeping bag and some rope. He climbed a tall tree and hooked his sleeping bag on a sturdy branch and slipped his legs inside the cozy waterproof bag. He reached into his bag again and pulled out a canteen of water and a small metal container  He opened the container and ate some dinner that he had packed, dried nuts and other dried fruits. He took a sip of water and put the container and canteen away in his bag. The sound of unidentifiable growls were heard from above.
"What is that?" Kelton yawned. The noise stopped and the blond shrugged it off. 'Must have been nothing,' he thought. Kelton observed as the day evening turned to night, he closed his eyes and went into a restful sleep.

The next day, Kelton awoke to the sun burning on his eyelids. he slowly opened his eyes and winced.
"Stupid sun," he growled. He wiggled out of his sleeping bag, untied it and stuffed it in his bag, along with the rope. He slowly climbed down from the large tree and set foot on the tilted ground. He stretched a bit and yawned while rubbing his eyes. He reached into his pack and took out a granola bar. He begin to climb up the steep hill while periodically munching on the trail-mix granola bar. As he headed deeper into the woods, the trees became more thick and taller. The sun barely shone through the thick canopy of trees.

"Man, it's pretty dark in here." Kelton sighed as he advanced.

FEW HOURS LATER

Kelton had been walking for a couple of hours, the sun was high in the sky. As blond walked he had noticed no for of life rather than the trees, grass and land. As he ascended the steep mountain side he noticed the trees were becoming few and above him were thick white clouds. It seemed as though as he could touch them if he reached. The man shrugged his shoulders and walked on towards the top.
"Brother, I know I'll find you. Once I reach the top, I will search the mountain even if it takes forever." Kelton thought.

The trees became bare as though the leaves were burned from their roots and the land was no longer a steep climb, now the land was flat as a newly paved road.
Caw! Caw! 
Kelton flinched and scanned the region. he noticed a flock of black crows staring at him from the trees.

"There are crows on this island... but no other form of life."
"I wouldn't be so sure about that~" a melodic childlike voice called out followed by giggles.
Kelton searched frantically for the owner of the voice but he found nothing but the crows that had become silent and the trees that were oddly swaying.
"Come to us Kelton, come to us my child~" The voice sung in a hypnotic tune.
"Yes," Mumbled Kelton as he turned around and began walking towards the crows. The crows morphed into what seemed like anorexic pale adults. They snickered and jumped down surrounding Kelton. The hands had four fingers each and they had long claw like fingernails. The flesh of these beast served as a form a part of the clothing, flesh and loose cloth were intertwined to form a robe.The morphed crows had distorted faces with demon-like features. They seemed to have represented a dead cat who had been trampled by a pack of deer. Their eyes were thin and very close together. Their noses were scrunched as if someone had punched them in the face. Their lips were wide like the joker and stretched  When the monsters opened their mouths sharp shark-like teeth could be seen.

"Come closer~" The morphed crows cooed. "Closer~"
 Kelton walked towards the demon-like creatures. His feet shuffled slowly as though his legs were asleep. The blond fell forward as his foot got caught in a nearby branch.

"Oof," He grunted and scratched his head. He looked up at the morphed crows staring at him. "AH!" He shouted jumping back, "STAY AWAY! MONSTERS!" Kelton screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried to stand up but his pack was weighing him down. He struggled to take off his backpack and get to his feet.
The demon-like people cackled at the show the blond was given them.

"Look at him struggle!" One shouted
"It will be just as fun to torture him." another one noted.
They all humored each other as Kelton got to his feet and took out a switchblade knife. His face was dead with trepidation.

"W-who are you?" The man shouted swaying slightly as he swung the blade.
"Who we are? You don't know who we are?!" One of the morphed crows answered.
Kelton shook his head furiously, "Tell me who you monsters are!"

"HAHAHA Nobody ever knows our name! Guess what I will give you an opportunity to guess our name. Why don't you try?"
"Just tell me who the hell you are! I don't have time for games! Tell me what happened to Simon!'

"We'll make it easier on you, our name starts with an 'K', it's very easy."
"I don't care, just tell me where Simon is!"
"Simon? Did we eat any Simon's?"
"SIMON, SIMON WENDELL, MY BROTHER!"
"A Wendell?" The demon-like creatures questioned, "Your kind is always so... tasty~"
"What does that have to do with anything?!" Kelton questioned.
"Our name is Keres, we are the demon spirits of violent death." The monsters introduced.
"Demons?" Kelton took a step back, he turned ready to run but stopped. He was surrounded, no way to escape.
"Where you planning on escaping~" A Keres cooed.
"Why don't we show him how much we love him~" Another one suggested.
"YES!" They all cheered in approval. They turned their eyes and leered at Kelton. The all launched towards Kelton, mouth and eyes opened wide and claws at the ready. The growls sounded similar to the growls Kelton had heard earlier.
Kelton screamed in horror and swung the switchblade wildly at his attackers. One of the Keres screamed in pleasure as the blade lodge itself in between its eyes. Kelton screamed as the other Keres bit and tore at his clothes.  He heard a deafening crack and turned to his left arm. It was gone.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He howled in agony. Another Keres tore off his right leg as two scratched at his spinal core trying to remove it. A few of the remaining Keres fought over Kelton's spare arms and legs, threads of blood seeped from Kelton's arms in decorative red strings. Kelton stayed motionless. 'I'm somewhere else,' he thought
The demons began tearing the flesh from Kelton's skin. His blood seeped into the ground and his life was slipping away.
A bright light appeared before Kelton's eyes, a face emerged. A face he recognized even if he were blind: his brothers face.
"Kelton." His brother whispered, "Join me and we'll be safe here. Join me brother."
"Yes brother I will," Kelton whispered as he took his final breath.

Some Keres groaned, "Aw, he's dead~"

"Look it's brother~!" another demon pointed out, "Brother!!"

"Keres, stop torturing the poor souls that wash upon this island." The demons brother pointed out.

"But Thanathos, only you get to eat the souls! You never share with us!" They complained.
Thanathos is the demon personification of gentle deaths.
"Because you always torture them, those poor souls deserve to die peacefully." Thanathos preached, "That man, Kelton Wendell, I ended his life peacefully. He was able to fulfill his deepest desire and die in peace. He is in the world of peace, his dear afterlife."

RIP
Kelton Wendell
Simon Wendell
Who were killed by demons and then went on to the afterlife.

DISCLAIMER: Kelton and Simon Wendell are fictional characters and have not existed except in the imagination of a high school kid. Thanathos and Keres are based loosely on Greek Mythology.



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Characters:
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Man- Kelton Wendell (has a brother complex)
Man's Brother- Simon Wendell
Demons- Keres and Thanathos
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Extra notes:
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Mountain Name: Uxxohi
Located: Off the coast of Hawaii
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In Greek mythology, Keres are the female spirits of violent or cruel deaths.
In Greek mythology, Thanathos
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SOURCES:
http://www.theoi.com/Daimon/Keres.html
http://www.theoi.com/Daimon/Thanatos.html

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Butterfly Skull

At first it was an empty area, the scenery was nothing. There was nothing rather than an endless white. There was nothing but an eerie dead silence. A clean, white slate. Flap! Flap! Flap! Suddenly, the sound of wings flapping surrounded throughout the area. The back of a butterfly came into view. It's wings a beautiful black, they were shaped as wings meant for pixies of some sort rather than butterflies.

The butterfly flew around the white space slowly then fast. At one point it stopped and stayed there for a while. The butterfly flapped its majestic dark wings slowly, one flap every few minutes or so.

I'm not really sure how time passed here but it seemed as though it was forever before the butterfly wrapped itself into a cocoon. The cocoon instantly began to move, it seemed to twitch before it opened at the top. Out came the black butterfly once more.

The black butterfly seemed to be more in the focus, still I could not see the butterflies front. Suddenly, as if the butterfly had heard my complaints/whines it turned around completely. What I expected to be the mundane butterfly was not at all. Instead it was a skull. The skull of a human, and it shone brightly. The white of the skull shone as though it was a bright night star. The skull stared as though it was staring into my soul. A deep booming laughter exploded from the human skull's closed mouth. It was a soft melodic laugh contradicting the disturbing appearance of the butterfly skull. It did not move except for its wings that occasionally flapped that keep the it up. Then I woke up.


I think that the dream I had could have multiple and diverse meanings. The one I found more obvious are that I need to be more outgoing, have a fresh outlook on life, that I'm keeping things hidden, I need to lighten up, need to get better understanding of myself, and I lack love/support. In other-words  my dream self wants me to be more social and expressive. The color white in my dream means that I need a fresh outlook on life. The butterfly in my dream represent that I need to be more outgoing. the color black represented that I need to get better understanding of myself and that I have a lack of love/support. The skull in my dream represent that I'm keeping things hidden. The laughter represented that I need to lighten up. I guess I need to be more social...

In the novel, "Into the Wild" by Jon krakauer, Chris McCandless didn't get too close to people and tried to keep his distance. He didn't want to get attached to anybody and later on have regrets in his life. In a sense this is what my dream bases me on. I know that I'm not the friendliest of all gals out there but I do it because I don't want to get attached to anybody and have regrets. In the end Chris McCandless had some regrets in his death, although he was truly happy, he realized how lonely he was. My dreams in a sense are telling me to be more social unlike Chris McCandless so I can lead a happier, joyful life. I just don't want to because sociability is not my greatest skill. I'm good with the friends I have.


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Pictures: from google and one at: http://yungtyrant.deviantart.com/art/skull-illustration-172807909

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Sound we Praise


Question: WHAT DO YOU SEE?


The photo is of Harold Whittles. In the caption of the picture it read 'Harold Whittles hears for the first time ever after a doctor places an earpiece in his left ear.' But I see so much more than that.
I see a boy who is shocked; the shock seems to have been a positive shook rather than a negative one.
It is a look of utter shock smeared across a young boy's face. 
It says 'I can't believe this' and 'Am I dreaming?' Never in his life did he think of such a miracle occurring, at least not to him. 
His eyes scream SURPRISE by the way they are widened almost representing saucers. The pupils are tiny and the shine represents the light. His eyes scream HOPE, which is what he always had. 
His eyebrows are arched in CONFUSION and SHOCK. He does not know what is happening, all he has is a strange feeling, something we all take for granted: Hearing.
His lips are gaped in shock. They resemble a fish that is out of water.  His lips are curved, plump and somewhat feminine. A bit of his tooth shows under his upper lip.
His Hair is ruffled and somewhat combed, it seems as though he ran a comb through a minor case of bedhead.
His head seems too big to fit on his shoulders but that is Okay because he is only a child.
He is wearing what seems to be a light or white shirt. He came dressed for the occasion.
The device coming out of his ear seems to be causing his the shock. It just stays inside his ear like a headphone does to us nowadays.
Only in his wildest dreams did he think of this ever happening. 
The shadows across his face signify a planned event. The shadows signify a flash, most likely of a camera flash or some other form of light. The shadows go from the right side of his face to the left. They create a somewhat perfect atmosphere to the boy's shock and confusion. 
Maybe it was a gift or the boy's greatest wish. The event was planned and the photo was taken, marking it as a day in this boy's history, a memorable time for him to ever remember. A day he would never forget.


Question: WHAT IS HAPPENING?


Harold Whittles is hearing for the first time. A device is plugged into his ear in the resemblance of a headphone. The device allows him to hear sound as we normal, mundane even- people do on a regular basis. He is doing something he has never done. He is doing something he has never experienced or even recognizes as we do on a regular basis. Harold Whittles is hearing sound.
He seems (and most likely is) extremely surprised, shocked even. Shock is an unanswered question that nobody can stop asking. The young boy is asking himself, 'What is happening? What is this strange feeling? What is it that vibration I hear? Am I hearing?' 
Although people who are born deaf don't understand what it is like to hear sound, they still know what it is. They can feel sound through the vibrations delivered to their ear. 
In this picture Harold Whittles is not only receiving vibrations but his brain is also interpreting it. 
He is hearing and is in shock because of it. There is a wide-eyed blank gaze in the eyes of the boy. 
He doesn't comprehend the event happening, all he can feel is the confusion and shock.


Question: WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN?


It is very obvious what is going to happen. Harold Whittles is going to spend his days hearing. He is going to be grateful to the doctor who put an implant in his ear allowing him to hear. He would also be grateful to the choices his parents made causing him to hear for the first time ever. He might not entirely understand the concept of hearing, which is to perceive by the ear. Now that he has a listening device he is capable of hearing and interpreting sound. Although he will not understand what anybody is saying, he would do his best to comprehend. Harold might want to stick to using a pencil and paper or even sign language to communicate. Harold will have to take special lessons to understand languages and special classes to learn how to speak fluently and without gurgles. He could probably learn more than one language easily now that he has the ability to hear. Harold would then proceed to go to school with kids his age. He might be bullied because of the device attached to his head that allows him to hear.
On the negative side, he also might become suicidal due to the bullying and attempt to kill himself or remove the device allowing him to be in silence, his peace, once again. At night he would remove the listening device and be at peace with himself and his mind. Harold would be overwhelmed at first by the many strange and sometimes annoying sounds he may hear. He may become overwhelmed to the point of never wanting to hear. He would detest the person who implanted the listening device and want to rid of it forever. Those were some of the negative things that might happen in Harold's future.
On the positive side, Harold Whittles might lead a great, joyful life. He would learn a couple of languages and go to school. He would have great friends and maybe a girlfriend when he was older. He would have a great High school life but might be bullied a couple of times, then again that's what his friends are for. After high school, he would get a diploma to some college and get a degree of his choice. His disability wouldn't hinder him anymore and he would be forever grateful to the doctor who fixed his hearing. If his devise were ever to break he would be miserable but he would have friends at his side who understand him.


Sunday, November 18, 2012

A Maids Savior

Tokyo, Japan

The streets were bustling with people. Tourist and locals alike all went on with their lives, cosplayers chattered as they walked  The tourist gazed around the streets in  amazement and took pictures with their tiny portable cameras. It was only 11 am on a Sunday and yet the streets were filled with potential customers. The sky was a bright blue, not a cloud in sight and the sun shone brightly upon the spring day in western Tokyo, Japan. On Sunday is where most people travel to Harajuku. My family owns a tiny maid cafe here in the western part of Tokyo, Harajuka. Our cafe is called 'Lovely'. It is along one of the side streets of Takeshita Dori (Takeshita Street) and it is just one of the many you'll ever in Harajuku.

I stood by the door awaiting a costumer, at least, to show up. I wore a white ruffled dress that reached the thighs, the sleeves went down to my wrist, and the collar rose at the base of my throat  I wore a black white-laced apron that split at my chest. A black laced bow was tied at my neck, black tights and little black flats decorated my feet. On my hair was a filly white bow, my hair dark raven was let down reaching up to my waist. My beige skin shone brightly with all the powder and glitter my mom dropped on me.

"I find this a waste of time." I groaned, "Nobody's coming, only our regulars are here. Not that's bad or anything!" The regulars just laughed, they were used to this.

"Oh stop whining Aoi!" scolded my sister, "It's only been half an hour." My sister, Yukina, was older than me. She started working for the maid cafe at the age of 15, which is my current age. We were separated by three years in age, she came out looking more like our mother and I came out looking like my father. My mother had beautiful dark brown hair, her eyes were a light shade of brown and her complexion was somewhat tan. My sister came out looking just like her except she was taller than my mother. My father was a semi-tall man, with short dark raven hair, although he was over 40 years old his face was still young. He stood over a half a foot above my mom, and only a few inches above my sister. I came out like my mother in terms of height, right now I'm a few inches below her.

Ding! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! The doorbell chimed and I quickly turned to face the customer. 
"Welcome Master~" I greeted in a sweet voice as I bowed my head. I looked the customer in the face only to see another of our weekly customer, Mr. Yamagushi.

"Good morning Mr. Yamagushi!" Yukina greeted, "Follow me to your seat, Master." The man followed her and they went into a common conversation of what he would like to eat and the daily special. I zoned out and stared attentively at the people outside. I used to be one of them, hanging out with my friends on Sundays, dressing up in crazy costumes and wild clothes but now I'm stuck helping with the family business  And we hardly ever get new customers. 

TWO HOURS LATER

More regulars and the occasional tourist had come and go but no new customers. Two more of our workers had shown up and were working the floors along with us.
"Is this the end of the family business." I muttered.

Ding! Ding! Dong! Ding! Dong! I turned to the door and a foreigner walked in. He turned to me and smiled kindly. His hair was Dark brown and cropped, his skin was light with a slight tan, his eyebrows were bushy in a way like a squirrels fur. He wore a white long sleeve shirt with a black polo shirt on top, a pair of maroon pants, and tan running shoes. There was a beige bad strapped to his hip.

"Hi my name is Matt. Do you speak English?" The man introduced. "My Japanese poor."
"Yes master. Here in Cafe 'Lovely' we speak both English and Japanese." I bowed my head, "Let me show you to your table Master."
"You don't have to, I don't need a table, actually I need to speak to the owner." Matt spoke slowly, as if trying to help me understand.
"Yes follow me, Master." I started walking to the back, "Father! Come here someone wants to speak to you!" 
"Yes, yes, I'm coming." My father came from the back door while drying his hands. "Who needs to speak to me?"
"This man says he needs to speak to you." I motioned towards Matt. "His Japanese is weak, so speak to him in English."
"What can I help you with Sir?" My father questioned.
"Hello, My name is Matt and I want to film some crazy dancing here on this cafe." Matt explained, "I am doing a video where I dance in many different places of the world. It will be a great promotion."
"Will it cost us any money?
"No it is free of  any charge."
My dad expression changed to his thinking face, he smiled and nodded. "Yes, we would be honored to be in your video.
"Thank You," Matt smiled once more. "Gather all the maids so we can video tape the dance."
"Yes," My dad turned to me, "Go get the others and set up in the back." 
I nodded and rushed to gather the others. In total there was four of us excluding my father and Matt. 10 minutes later, we were all ready to dance, none of us could contain our laughter and excitement. We giggled and squealed.
"Okay girls on my mark, three," Matt counted down, "Two, one, GO!"
We all jumped, wiggled, jiggled and giggled. Our squeals were extremely loud. Matt danced wildly in between all of us. My father recorded us with the Camera.
"Stop!" Matt shouted. We stopped trying to catch our breath and continued laughing.
"Thank you all for your help." He stated.
"Glad to help." My father stated. He handed the camcorder back to Matt.
"Thank you everybody, I will suggest this cafe to everyone I meet." That was the last we ever heard of Matt.

About two months had passed and our business had grown exponentially over the past few weeks. We had gotten new customers everyday and new regulars. Although we don't know if this was Matt's doing or not, we have all the right to thank him. If it wasn't for him most likely we would be out of business or in debt.
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http://www.japan-guide.com/e/e3006.html#takeshita

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

It could have been worse


It all started two and half weeks ago, Hurricane warning was all, over the state of New Jersey, Hurricane Sandy was on its way. Nobody panicked much. 'We were ready for this.' Most of us thought, 'We survived Irene and now we can survive Sandy'. On the day of the Storm, Sandy's wind blew on us tremendously. The trees swayed teasingly, at any chance ready to give up and let Sandy tear them apart. My dad had left work early and we were all in the living room. It was around 6:30 pm and we still had power.I heard an familiar ringtone coming from my room, i raced over and snatched my phone off the desk. It was Kathy.

"Hello!" She greets.
"Hey," I respond, "What happened?"
"My power went out a few minutes ago." Kathy stated disappointed, "How about you?"
"I still have power but it's been flickering." I respond.
"Well I have to go, Bye." She mumbles.
"Bye." I hang up the phone and head to the kitchen. 30 Minutes later, the lights flicker frequently. Then, they go out. We are completely surrounded by the darkness. I grab my phone and lighted the way to my mom. She grabbed some candles and matches  After lighting them we put them on the Kitchen table. A couple hours passed and many rounds of different card games were played. My mom decided it was better to just go to sleep. My sister and I got up to go to our room but our mother stopped us.

"You're not sleeping in your room," My mother had declared, "There are too many trees nearby and too many windows. You're sleeping on the couch, where it's safe."


I followed her instructions and put a pillow and covers on the couch. My sister slept across from me on the other couch. The next day, we woke up to a disaster. Trees were laying dead on the ground and wires surrounded them dangerously. The power was still out and the house had turned cold. We knew we were in for a rough week. The schools were closed, stores were closed and all the power was out in Plainfield. We spent the day loving our light, the sunlight, at night we lit candles and played board and card games.

Two weeks passed and everything was slowly getting  to its ordinary routine. The power was back in most houses, stores were re-opened and school was starting once again on the coming Monday  Over the week I learned how much I despise being at home with my siblings and how annoying they can be. I also learned to appreciate the seven hours that we are away from home at school. Hurricane Sandy, it was the super-storm that hit us, us in Central Jersey. It left us without power for two weeks and more. It left us without jobs and school for two weeks. Sandy shut down all major supermarket and minor stores. Almost all gas stations were closed and the ones that were open had a humongous line that was over half a mile long. Sacrifices were made and Sandy brought down our technology. It showed us how insignificant our precious technology is and how we are nothing without it.  Sandy shocked and devastated us all.



Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The (supposedly) Joy of Life


“So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.” 
-----------------------------

In the selection above Chris Mc Candles poetically declares that although there are many people in the world in horrible situation, they do not anything to help themselves. They don't give it their all and more to get out of tough situations. The don't helve themselves because they are comfortable with the situation they are in and do not want to change and have to readjust to a whole new way of life. A whole new way of life makes you wonder about the future and the future is what will keep you going. It keeps you hoping for greatness, self accomplishment and human praise. Chris states that it is not good to have a set future otherwise you are nothing more than a senseless robot with no change to hope for the future. In a sense Chris Mc Candles is correct with his statements. Humans need some sort of hope that things in the future will be better or possibly worse. That possibility gives them the determination to strive.

Chris  had an unhappy life, he did his best to first accomplish his fate set by his parents but as soon as the chance came he escaped. He changed his fate and took it into his own hands. He stepped out of his comfort zone and went out to live his dreams by escaping into the wild as  a tramp. He did not know what to expect in the future and that got him thinking and hoping for the best. Out in the wild Chris did not know if he was going to die one day or the other. He grasped at his future blindly and anticipated the new adventures and experiences to come. He was not a puppet or a robot with a set future and nothing to expect. He took the future into his hands and anticipated it to the end.

My life has been conditioned to receive an ordinary education. It has made me laid back about security and feel that I am somewhat secured in all places but it also makes me think about the possibilities of my death or abduction! In terms of conformity  my beliefs are what I think is right and not what someone has told me, in the eye of other common humans some things are unusual or rejected into a social standing. In my standings though, they are mostly accepted as long as they somehow benefit me. In terms of conservation, I have stuck to my beliefs and mostly rejected the teachings brought onto me or changed them somehow. If I could meet Chris Mc Candles I think he would questions my happiness with my life. He would most likely encourage me to take things into my own hands at some points and live life looking ahead not forward.